I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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