He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
