Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
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It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
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So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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