If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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