I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
