he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She said her name was "party"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
