Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Pooping to opera.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
