I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We need to get me chipped asap
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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