Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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