May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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