So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
