Having a random hookup so left but love u
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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