he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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