apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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