come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
