Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
