His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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