I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
