You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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