im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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