mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I wanna passion pit in your ass
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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