I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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