Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
