And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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