Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
