i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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