I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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