god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Two words: blizzard sex
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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