Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
