There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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