Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
