ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
sarcasm needs its own font
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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