i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
