haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
