the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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