I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
