Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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