i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
