I think im going to throw up on grandma
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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