he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
