just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
