Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
