its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
