fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
