Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
