Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize