Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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