its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
