i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
