My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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