I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
