Swine flu is the new snow day.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
