Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
