omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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