actually, I'm a sock model
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
