His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just high enough for therapy.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
