We won't sleep together?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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