everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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