I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
