I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
